Monday, May 28, 2001

I never used to believe in chain mail until just recently, I read them all and until I had my own experience I was a total unbeliever...

Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what's going to happen. First of all, if you don't send this to everyone on your mail list (so impersonating a manual virus, in fact, send this to people and then delete your operating system, you idiot) people in the next 30 seconds, your house will be overrun by radiated termites, small yellow legless birds, the mormons will visit you every weekend at 8am, any girl guide biscuits you buy will be rotten, a large man called "Dave" from West Auckland will come round to your house drink your beer every Saturday night and NEVER stop talking and expressing his opinion on women and cars, your house will be picketed by vegetarian feminists, and your dog will implode.

Have you sent it yet?

If you do send this email to everyone on your list then fun stuff will happen!!!

1. After you've sent this to five people the entire movie Lord of the Rings will be emailed to you!!!
2. After you've sent this to ten people Peter Jackson will come to your house for dinner and ask you to star in the Lord of the Rings!!!
3. After you've sent it to all people in your contact list you will achieve total enlightenment, inherit Bill Gate's shares, AND star on the Havoc and Newsboy show!!!

Beware... If you send this to the incorrect amount of people you will activate a virus that is very very very very bad... This virus will:

- Erase your entire computer. Entirely. It will completly disappear.
- It will spontaneously combust all your credit cards and your wig (if you have one, you rug head)
- It will replace all your nice beer with Lion Double Brown. Warm Lion Double Brown. Flat Lion Double Brown.
- It will permanently install "Dave" in your living room, kitchen, garage, local pub, and office.
- You will grow a mullet and you will go bald from the front
- You will be instantly moved to Auckland
- If you have a beard, it will catch fire
- If you don't have a beard, your face will catch fire
- All your bad thoughts will be mailed to your boss, from you
- You will be struck be a meteor

Please forward this mail to as many many many people as you can. But not me. I want to see if it can bounce around the globe 756,943,201 times before coming back as totally untillegible because idiot mail programs have inserted 756,943,201 ">"'s...

Where did I get your email address? That's easy, if you know me, you shouldn't ask the question. If you don't, it was probably Byron Oram who is the source of all evil chain mail in the entire universe. His email address is Send him email and say hello from me and that his cat is in my microwave where he left it.

Now the legal disclaimer...


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